Monday, June 14, 2010

Here Comes the Judge

Sometimes I just feel like suing people.

I used to watch those court TV shows (OK, I still do) where Judge Wapner or Judge Judy listen to people who have filed lawsuits because their hair broke off after a dye job or because the cobbler nailed the wrong heel to their boot. I have always been fascinated by human behavior and it's amazing how many reasons there are to sue another person.

I wanted to sue FedEx, just last week: I had put in an order on the previous Thursday, assured that I could pick it up the following morning. Friday morning - order not ready. Ugh! I told them I'd return on Monday. Monday morning - still not ready! I had told the Kindergarten teacher that her little green notepads, with self portraits of her students around the border would be in her hands before the last week of school! I called to complain and was told that someone would return my call. No one ever returned my call. However, the box of notepads magically arrived in the school office, by Wednesday afternoon - which is good, because I was ready to sue everyone in the Mountain View FedEx office.

Last Fall, I wanted to sue our gardeners because they put in these horrible, huge bushes. When they flower, they look like Cheeto plants. I'm not kidding, these plants look like they are growing Cheetos. You could probably arrange the flowers in a bowl and someone would try to eat them.
Who wants Cheetos lining their sidewalks? Not me! I am increasingly annoyed, every time I drive by the darned things. If I wasn't so busy packing snacks and lunches, pulling rocks and other various gross things out of tiny jean pockets and explaining why it isn't a good idea to add Benadryl to a "magic potion", I may have taken them to court.

One time, I wanted to sue myself. I was carrying a bridal shower cake up to it's destination and somehow managed to poke my pointer finger through the front of it. It was particularly awful, because the cake was shaped like a bride. There was a doll shoved into a round, skirt-like cake. And now the skirt had a ginormous hole through the front of it. Everyone was angry, but I could not stop laughing. This just stressed them all out - which made me laugh harder. I was disappointed in my own behavior, because I caused a dream to be dashed. The dream of a perfect bridal cake. I was lucky that I didn't have a lawyer.

November, 1985

People sue people for doing bad things, they take them to court, and the judge decides, who will win. I really don't know much about suing, but I know a little, I watch, peoples court, divorce court, I have seen people get sued, and have to pay an amount of money. I really don't know much, though. I wouldn't want to get sued though, I would have to drag myself to court and dig out of my pocket two thousand dollars, just to pay for repairs. I wonder what people do. what if I couldn't afford it? What a shame. I think suing is sort of silly! I would hate to see two adults fighting over such silliness, maybe it isn't so silly, sometimes it is serious.

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